Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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