Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
