You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
