I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
