Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
