at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
