when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
