Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
