i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
