Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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