you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
