I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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