Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
