I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
