Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
