i permit you to call me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
