ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
