he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
