At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
