I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
