I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
