Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
