we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
