We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
