I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
