you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
