i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
