Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Randomize
