Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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