just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize