Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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