You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
