There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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