my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
