Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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