Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
