you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
