Whod you bang
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
