3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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