I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
