I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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