We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
