Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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