Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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