I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
