He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
