so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
