My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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