This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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