respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
