she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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