Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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