A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
