I think my vagina is haunted
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
