i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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