SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
