So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
whose parrot is this?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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