this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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