In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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