Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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