I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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