Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
