while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
