I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
