I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
