I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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