Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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