I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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