Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize