you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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