And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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