Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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