i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
