Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
