I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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