please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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