Is it normal to miss your booty call?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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