Can i not drive my cunt home
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
