No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
