so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
