She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i came on her dog
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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