the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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