we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
