if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
