Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
