Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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