I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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