Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
