I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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