So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
